I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
