Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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