I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize