2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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