i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Randomize
