just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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