Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Randomize
