I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize