That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
