Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
