some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
organizing the empties. That sober.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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