Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
