Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Maybe he injected his testicle?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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