Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
it's great music for shaving your balls
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
