I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize