I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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