My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So many bounce houses so little time
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
