In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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