I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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