Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
