i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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