We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
