and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
