We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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