His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
