More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
you had me at cake vodka
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
