i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
