The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize