you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
