i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
this just has baby written all over it
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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