Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
two words...techno handjob
i would one night stand the shit outta him
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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