maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
