somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
