u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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