why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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