Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
