Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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