Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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