So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
