what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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