In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Randomize
