did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
