The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
