people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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