I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize