dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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