Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
