call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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