That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
