rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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