You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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