STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
