Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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