I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
