I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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