Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
