Her vagina should come with caution tape.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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