I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Pants are for mortals
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
