You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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