I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
