bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Randomize
