I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
