The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
