Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
