Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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