so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She bit a glass in half.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
