you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
